Nov 4
I voted this morning. The line was around the local elementary school where I vote at 6:30AM. It’s never even been close to that crowded before. And watching some of the morning news shows before heading off to work, long lines and record turnout are being reported from across the country. It’s good to see.
Let’s hope we don’t fuck up somehow.
Oct 30
Yeah I know, pretty creepy huh?
Here are a few items for your consideration regarding our very own United States of America:
Now tell me honestly, can we not point the finger of blame at Corporate America for this laundry list of national disgraces?
Poor Maureen Dowd.
You know, the red-headed middle-aged NY Times columnist and sometime TV pundit who specializes in snarky, borderline nasty columns aimed at the personal habits of prominent politicians, and who for some unknown reason is considered attractive by a lot of the middle-aged men who pass themselves off as TV pundits (I guess, in a sort of bitter and sad but hard way).
Today her column focuses on why it’s hard to satirize Barack Obama, using the recent in-poor-taste New Yorker magazine cover as a focal point.
Poor Mo. She’s whining because she can’t make proper fun of the black guy. Aww.
Hey Maureen, last time I checked, there were TWO candidates for president, as well as the current “president,” whose incompetence should be providing a steady source of dark humor for years to come.
I guess it’s more fun to knock the democrats, eh Mo? (I still recall her memorable columns in 2000 criticizing Al Gore for his wardrobe choices. Yeah, real important issues.) Or maybe it’s because all these pundits just LO-OVE the crazy old white guy so much. After all, John McCain IS the straight-talk candidate, isn’t he?
Jul 16
I take the train to work every day; roughly an hour’s ride. I do like to drive into work once every week or so, just to keep my routine fresh. But mostly I’m a train commuter on Metro North Railroad’s New Haven line.
The only things I don’t like about taking the train are:
Ah, but today there was a surprise! One of the cars on the train this morning was a BAR CAR! Now don’t get excited, the “bar” portion of the car was not in operation. But for some reason I still can’t figure out, most commuters don’t like sitting on the bar car. The bar car does not have the rows of two- and three-passenger seats of the other cars, in which you often feel yourself pressed in like a sardine. No, the bar car simply has limited bench-type seating along the sides of the car, so there’s no seat in front or in back of you, just the strategically-placed cup holders (good for coffee!). So I’m enjoying some rare personal space on my morning commute.
Now if only they had that bar working.
Jul 16
It’s been a while. I’ve been “busy.”
Busy adjusting to a new job with a longer commute but better pay. Busy twiddling my thumbs while I wait behind this gigantic creative block that has stood in my way all year.
The big block has apparently moved out of my way, and I’m back baby. So what’s been happening in the world while I’ve been “busy?” Let’s take a look.
The presidential campaign is upon us, with one party nominating a crazy old man and the other party nominating the proverbial fresh face. The corporate media (AKA “the mainstream media”) is in love with John McCain. I think they want to get down on their collective knees and suck on his straight-talk express. “WHAT A MAN!” I can hear all those TV pundits and attractive newsreaders breathlessly admiring the old coot, their eyelashes batting like a school girl’s.
Not that I’m in love with Barack Obama either, mind you. His recent statements in support of policies that I find questionable on a good day smells fishy to me, like a bait-and-switch (hey I used to work in retail). Obama’s great strength and the main reason he defeated Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nomination is that he presented himself as a different kind of politician, a harbinger of hope and inspiration.
Recently, however, the O-man has:
Meanwhile, I have yet to hear Barack come out with a detailed and PUBLIC plan for either our energy woes (high gas prices, importing too much foreign oil, not enough focus on alternate sources of energy), or our economic woes (the economy stinks unless you’re really wealthy). Yeah yeah, I know he’s got a bunch of policy statements on his web site, but that’s hardly the same thing as getting out there in front of the cameras and making a major speech on either of these important issues. In my opinion, such a public forum as a major speech has a much stronger effect that hard-to-find policy statements on a web site. A different kind of politician?
Uh, not so much.
But when all is said and done, I’d much rather have a corporate-backed Democrat as president than a corporate-backed Rebublican president any day of the week.
____________________________
Meanwhile, my beloved Los Angeles Dodgers really suck this year yet are only 1 game out of first place in the hapless NL West division. Yet more off-season money was spent on questionable free agents (Andruw Jones, not even hitting his weight). Super Joe Torre was hired to bring a championship to LA, but marquis manager is no miracle worker. But hey, we’re only one game out of first! We got us a pennant race baby! Well at least until we discover that we have no good substitute for the now-injured closer Saito.
Well my stop is coming up soon on this train, so I’ll end here.
Apr 17
Ahh, the joys and mysteries of driving in
The highways are crowded and constantly under construction, secondary roads are filled with potholes this time of year, and
I drive to work every day. It’s an easy commute, about 25 minutes at most, with only one slow spot and that’s only in the morning. So I can’t complain about my daily drive to work. However, the rest of the time, and especially on weekends, I do have to drive to get around. And that’s when I’m forced to ask myself this question – why do people drive the way they do?
Read on to learn more about these mysteries and their probably causes.
Here’s one of my favorites.
You’re driving along, keeping pace with traffic, which is light to moderate. There’s a big gap behind you; the closest vehicle to your rear is far away. Now here come Mr.I’mInAHurry. He’s waiting to turn into traffic. He clearly sees the huge gap behind you, yet chooses to pull in in front of you VERY SUDDENLY, forcing you to put on your brakes. And utter a string of obscenities that would shock a sailor.
But now Mr.I’mInAHurry has decided he’s no longer in such a hurry. In fact, he’s apparently decided that now that he’s cut you off, he wants to drive as S L O W L Y as possible. But I can’t help but wonder, why was he in such a hurry to cut me off when there was ample room for him to pull safely behind me, yet now he appears to be moving in slow motion?
I have determined that this mysterious behavior must be caused by one of two things:
Additional note: Mr.I’mInAHurry also makes frequent appearance merging onto highways.
You know this person. He’s the guy next to you in the right lane at a two-lane traffic light. The big black and white sign directly on the right IN CLEAR VIEW OF EVEN A BLIND PERSON indicates that vehicles in the right lane MUST turn right. You know the sign, the one with the straight up and down arrow pictured next to an arrow pointing to the right. Now, you’re in the correct lane for going straight, the left lane. The road ahead narrows to a single lane. There may even be a sign indicating such.
Yet when the light changes, the Rebel Without a Cause goes straight, cutting you off. He’s such a rebel! Yeah man, he’s rebelling against the system. He’s sticking it to the man. Actually, he just stuck it to you and me by cutting us off.
I’m always left shaking my head in bewilderment at the Rebel Without a Cause. Why the blatant disregard for clearly posted rules, rules that even an anarchist like me can easily observe?
Once again, I have determined one of two causes of this mysterious behavior:
Red means stop. Green means go. Red means stop. Green means go. Got it?
Apparently not everyone gets that most basic rule of driving. In fact, it’s often one of the very first things we learn when we take driver’s education. Yet where I live, when a traffic light turns green, nobody moves. They sit. They stare. They pick their noses. They think about I don’t know what. But they do not move.
What’s the delay anyway? If you drive in a place like
There can really only be one cause of this most aggravating of driving mysteries:
Of course, driving mysteries are hardly confined to suburban and urban driving. Take for example the case of the stubborn driver in the left-most lane on the highway. She refuses to increase speed above the posted speed limit. There’s a growing line of cars building up behind her, and there’s plenty of room in the middle lane for her to safely move over and let the cars behind her pass. Yet she absolutely won’t speed up or move over. Angry drivers behind her beep their horn, they tailgate out of sheer frustration, they flash their headlights, all to no avail. Ms. Stubborn ain’t movin’.
I mean, what’s it to her anyway? It IS the passing lane, after all. Why stay where she’s neither wanted or needed? Is she totally unaware that she is single-handedly creating a traffic jam?
This mystery can have only of the following causes:
Here’s a driving mystery we’ve all encountered. You’re driving on the highway, minding your own business, grooving to some good music, enjoying the open road. Then all of a sudden, you run into heavy traffic. You’re at a standstill for miles and you don’t know why.
Then you pass the source of the traffic jam – a cop is giving somebody a ticket on the side of the highway. And EVERYONE is slowing down.
Why are they slowing down? Do they actually believe that the cop is going to stop what he’s doing, jump into his car and chase after some OTHER speeder? Of COURSE he’s not. He’s BUSY! In fact, this is the BEST time to speed up – the cop is BUSY!!! He’s giving somebody else a ticket! Yet all the drivers slow down out of fear of the cop’s authority.
There really can be only one of two reasons this mysterious behavior continues:
Ooh look, an accident! Ooh look, a dead animal on the side of the road! Ooh look, a cop is giving some poor guy a ticket! Ooh look, a construction crew!
More like, “Ooh look, the assholes in front of me aren’t paying attention!!!”
Why do we care so much about what’s going on at the side of the road when our attention should be on the road ahead of us? Is there something intriguing about some other guy’s traffic plight? Are we simply craning our necks to get a look at an injured or dead body? Do we want see a severed head? What gives? Really, I want to know.
This mystery has been the cause of millions of highway traffic jams. And all it takes it one person to slow down and sneak a peak at the exciting action on the side of the road to delay everyone else. I say, who cares? I have no desire to ogle some dead or injured bodies, or delight in some big shiny ambulence, fire truck or cop collecting fees for the state by writing tickets. Who gives a shit anyway? I’m not five years old anymore. I want to get to where I’m going. I don’t want to sit in traffic.
Again, the causes of this are most likely one of the following:
Okay I’ll admit it – I hate SUV’s. They get awful gas mileage, they’re unsafe (just look at the fatality numbers in rollovers, the most frequent type of SUV accident), and they block my view of the road ahead.
I once saw a TV program about defensive and smart driving. They interviewed a professional race car driver, whose expertise behind the wheel I wouldn’t challenge. This guy said he NEVER lets himself get stuck behind a large vehicle because it obscures his vision, making driving that much more hazardous. Visibility is important in driving; you really need to see where you’re going so you can anticipate what’s up ahead. It’s just common sense.
Yet everyone goes out to buy these big useless tanks. Why? Because they’re advertised on TV, that’s why. People like to be seen in these big metal beasts because it makes them feel successful, and we all know that in a consumer economy, our success as individuals is measured in what kind of stuff we can buy and show off. “Oh look at me, I’m driving a big SUV. I’m a member of the club, I’m successful!! Just like those actors in the TV commercial!” Please, spare me your low self-esteem. I can’t see past your truck, dammit!!
The automobile manufacturers have a lot of responsibility for this problem, as they have continually marketed SUVs because they’re profitable. Forget that they guzzle too much gas, a commodity that the planet is running low on. Forget that they’re inherently unsafe, especially to smaller vehicles. Forget that you can’t see past them.
Now, I can understand it when a person who has a business needs a big vehicle with a lot of storage space. Or a family that goes camping every weekend. Stuff like that, okay, I can accept those as legitimate reasons for needing a large vehicle. But what’s everyone else’s excuse?
I have narrowed down the reasons for this mystery to the following:
Repeat after me – when you talk on the phone while you’re driving, your attention is diverted from driving.
Why all this telephone activity in the car? What’s so goddamned important that it can’t wait until you stop or arrive at your destination? People survived for decades without the need to call others on the phone while in transit. Why did this change? Why don’t people realize that it’s dangerous to let your attention be called away from driving?
I hate this because when the person in front of me is talking on the phone, they inherently know that their attention is diverted from driving, so they slow down to a crawl. So now I have to slow down because some idiotic soccer mom needs to gab to her friends? I don’t think so.
Also, whatever happened to privacy? Since when do we need to be connected all the time?
Yeah, I have a cell phone. Yeah I have it with me when I drive. And yeah, I let people leave messages for me so I can get back to them, WHEN I’M NO LONGER BEHIND THE WHEEL OF THE CAR!!!!
I’m all for laws banning cell phone use while driving. And I’m all for the vigorous prosecution of drivers who violate those laws. Forget speed traps, there’s millions to be made pulling people over for talking on their cell phone!
This mystery has only one possible cause:
So there you have it. These are some of the driving mysteries that drive ME crazy when I’m on the road. After careful examination of all of these mysteries, I can come to only one conclusion:
PEOPLE ARE STUPID!
Thanks for reading, and be careful out there.
Feb 6
As I write this, it’s a balmy 13 degrees out this morning. However, it feels like about 5 degrees. Wow, chucking polite society and escaping to Tahiti to paint native girls sounds awfully good about now.
The best show on television right now is “Rome” on HBO. Okay, they sometimes play fast and loose with historical details, but hey, they don’t hundreds of years to depict the story of Julius Caesar’s rise and fall and Octavian’s subsequent grab for power. I forgive them. It’s basically a buddy story played out amidst the sweep of Roman history. Good stuff.
I don’t like Hillary Clinton. Now I loathe the Republican party more, but Hillary is just another mainstream DC power-grabbing egomaniacal politician whose only vision for the country is the one in which she is sitting in the White House as President. No offense, Senator, but you show me nothing. I’ll write more about my Hillary dislike on a later date.
Gonna get a new PC soon. Woo hoo! My current computer, nicknamed “Hoss,” is five years old and slowing down. It’ll be a pain to transfer five years of data and re-install all my apps but it’ll be worth it to get a new Hoss. Old Hoss is being donated to my teenager. Sniff sniff, gettin’ all misty over ol’ Hoss. Nah, not really.
Finally, pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training soon. Enough with all these lesser sports, baseball is the national pasttime for me.
Oh and I got a new job in mid-December. More of the same, but this one has a variety of tasks to keep my ADD at bay.
Stay warm.
Dec 8
Greetings all, Shmolnick here. Some recent news to report:
That’s it for now. Go enjoy something.